


You are his

by waywardbaby



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, Jealous Dean Winchester, POV Dean Winchester, POV First Person, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 00:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17538953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardbaby/pseuds/waywardbaby
Summary: Your internal struggle for something you can’t have.





	You are his

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that came in mind while I was listening to “My thieving heart” by Sivert Hoyem.

*************************************************************************

Sam is so fucking happy.  
I don’t think I’ve seen him so happy before in my entire life. I don’t really know how he was with Jess all those years ago but I bet he couldn’t have been happier than he is now.  
With you.  
And who could blame him? You are perfect. In every way.  
Starting from the way you look. Not too tall, but then again no girl could be a match to my brother’s enormous height. Perfect body. Not skinny,but with curves in all the right places. Long,black hair falling around a baby-like face, framing the biggest, bluest eyes I had ever seen in my entire life. Soft, pink, full lips that I sometimes stare a little too long while you are talking.Bringing images to my mind. Images I shouldn’t even dare dream of.

Because you are his.

And then it’s your disposition.Always there for everyone and anyone who needs help. I think that you are made of true and utter love.That’s what you look like to me. Like a ray of pure, bright light that shines on our dark, twisted lives.That shines on MY dark soul.

Because you are his.

I love my brother. I could die for him. I HAVE died for him.But every time I see you with him, it hurts. It’s like somebody has plunged a knife in my heart and is slowly twisting it.I have had my share of pain and torture in life, but this is a kind of pain and torture I can’t deal with.  
“Hey,there Dean. A penny for your thoughts?”Your voice snapped me back to the here and now. Just as I was about to answer Sam came up behind you and snaked his arms around your waist, pulling you against his chest and making you squeal with joy.  
God,I think I hate him a little.Because he is the one who gets to touch you, to put his arms around your body,to make you sound so happy, so contented.

Because you are his.

“Just thinking of how much I need a vacation.A break from everything!” I lied. Again.  
Well, maybe, come to think of it a small vacation would be a good thing for me.A chance to get away from you. From both of you. Maybe that way all these feelings would cease to exist.Maybe the pain would subside. If I didn’t see you every day.  
“I’m thinking of leaving for a few days, now that it’s a bit quiet and we don’t have a case.Give you two lovebirds the whole bunker to yourselves”.  
Yes. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea.  
“Where are you planning on going?”,Sam asked.  
“I’m thinking of visiting Jody. I haven’t seen her in a while.”The plan had formed in my head and my mind was now set. I would leave. I had to leave. I needed a part of my sanity back.  
“How long will you be gone?”You asked and your voice hid the tiniest hint of disappointment. At least I thought it did. Wishful thinking.  
“I don’t know,baby girl. I will give you and Sam all the time alone you need.I am sure you don’t need me in the way all the time” I can’t be near you and not hurt, I shouted on the inside. How can you not see it?  
“I’m gonna get some food and drinks”,Sam interrupted.  
“Sure thing, honey. I’ll stay here and keep Dean some company. We won’t be seeing him for a while.You don’t mind,do you?”, you said sweetly and planted a quick kiss on the lucky son of a bitch’s lips.  
“Of course not.I’ll be back soon”. He kissed you back and left.

It isn’t the first time that we are alone together,but with each passing day it is getting harder and harder. That feeling of being so close to you and not being able to touch you. To tell you all the things that were hidden in my dark, jealous soul.To restrain myself from grabbing you and kissing you senseless.  
You came close and sat on the floor, right at the foot of the armchair I am slumped into.You placed your arm on my knees and you looked up at me with those blue eyes of yours.If I stare too long I am sure I am going to drown in them.But what came out of your lips was nothing I could have anticipated.  
“You should leave. I need you to leave.” you almost whispered.  
“What? Why do you say that?”, I ask confused and a little hurt.  
“I need you to leave because I know. I can feel it. And If you don’t leave I don’t think I will be able to control myself much longer.”  
My brain couldn’t form words. What did you know? Control yourself? In a desperate effort to get some answers I commanded my brain to function and I asked : “You know what?”  
“I know how you feel. About me.”  
The air was knocked out of me. I thought I had been doing such a good job hiding my feelings.Covering up my desperation. I couldn’t do anything but stare.  
“I need you to leave as soon as you can. I love your brother. He is the kindest, most selfless person I have ever met. And I can’t hurt him. I won’t hurt him!”  
I still couldn’t make heads or tails of what you were saying.You must have seen the confusion in my eyes because you reached up your hand and touched my chest, right above my heart. So softly. So slowly. I placed my hand on yours, locking it there and I closed my eyes letting your warmth flow through me.  
“I love your brother”, you repeated. "But what I feel for you is something different. It’s primal, it’s strong and it’s pulling me towards you so fast and so hard that I don’t know how much longer I will be able to fight it. Every fucking day I pray that my heart won’t tell on me. I pray that I won’t scream your name when I make love to your brother. It’s a connection that has to break. So maybe if you leave, I’ll manage to stop thinking about it. About you.”  
My God, I was sure heading to hell but I had to do it. Bending down I swept you off the floor, crushed you in my arms and planted my lips on yours in a kiss that would sure end me. Your lips parted and gave me access to your taste.It was exactly as I had imagined it to be. Sweet, warm and arousing.  
My hand tangled in your hair and I kept you locked there, savouring the moment. Kissing you and regretting it.Hating myself for loving it. I was the most horrible person to have walked this Earth. I tried to let you go but my hands kept you close to my body as if they had a mind of their own.  
You placed your hands on my chest and gave me a gentle push breaking the kiss but keeping your lips almost on mine, whispering : “We have to stop! If we don't stop, we’ll do something that we will both regret!”

That was it! My brain reacted rationally and my hands dropped to my sides. You were right. I looked at you for one more second, etching your face, all flushed and beautiful, in my heart and said : “I’ll be out of here in fifteen minutes”  
The door of the bunker closed behind me exactly seventeen minutes later.


End file.
